Sag mal, trägst du eine Perücke?

Tell me, are you wearing a wig?

Anyone who wears a hairpiece or wig knows the feeling: the constant fear of discovery. I still remember well how in conversations with others their eyes regularly wandered to the hairline, got stuck there for a millisecond, and wandered back again. It made me feel so insecure every time that I would have preferred to immediately stop the conversation and crawl away.

It feels even worse when you are asked about your hair replacement in front of others. The shame you feel in those moments makes you want to sink into the ground. Apart from the fact that it is completely insensitive to publicly address people on such a private topic - you can't change the others, only yourself or the way you deal with certain topics.

There will always be people who are not empathetic or even want to deliberately show you up and hurt you. In order for such remarks to no longer affect you, you have to change something in your attitude toward the subject.

Openness as a shield

I've mentioned it elsewhere :  the quote from Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones on the topic of self-acceptance. "Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you." If you openly communicate your perceived shortcomings, you are no longer vulnerable.

I made this decision to be open at the beginning of 2018 - and never regretted it. All those years before, the topics of hair loss and hair replacement were heavily shamed for me. It would have been my worst nightmare if someone had approached me about it (and it has happened a few times in 12 years of hair replacement). Additionally, I also didn't feel like a full woman - like a phony pretending to be something she wasn't. In short - it was a highly uncomfortable issue for me.

Standing by the hair loss: Easier said than done

Yes, it's hard! It's hard to put your vulnerability out there when the intuitive reaction would be to hide it all away and not let anyone get to you. But I can say from my own experience that this step is worth it. It is an incredible liberation to no longer have to hide. I no longer have to be afraid that someone will approach me on this subject. I no longer have to endure "wandering eyes" about hair replacement that made me feel so massively insecure. And I no longer let hair loss take away my zest for life.

But this step towards openness was only possible for me because I finally found the hair replacement that made me look the way I always wanted to look again. Now that no one sees that I wear hairpieces, I can finally stand by it - yes, even tell everyone about it, even if they don't ask about it.

Attack is the best defense

So I can understand that this is a hard step. And maybe it's not immediately feasible for everyone. But I would still recommend that you work towards it. The next time someone makes a comment about your hair, just answer him/her: Yes, I have hair loss. Yes, I wear a hairpiece. Yes, I wear a wig. Either a respectful conversation will develop and you can tell why and how. Or the other person is flabbergasted and says nothing more about it.

As already written at the beginning - you cannot change the others. So you better change the way you deal with the topic. If you are not ashamed of it (and why should you be?), then you do not offer a point of attack.

Have you already had your "coming out" or is it still to come? Feel free to tell me about it in the comments!

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